Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
