i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
