Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He did a backflip because drugs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
