he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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