So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
