i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
