Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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