Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
