I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wear drunk well.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
