Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
