My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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