I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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