The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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