I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
