She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
