he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
