She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
