i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
