The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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