You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
