He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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