So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
