Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
