remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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