All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
