Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
