apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
