you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
