found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
