woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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