Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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