the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
