I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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