Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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