Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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