Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
