At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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