based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
