Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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