dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
