I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
