i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
