the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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