I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
