i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
