My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
