I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
