I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
