I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
