Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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