yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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